Homesick

There are only a few time's in my life that I have been homesick.

Not the kind of homesick where you would just rather be home then where you are.

But the kind of homesick that literally makes you sick.

The kind that makes everything remind you of home,

and makes you cry over the sound of your mom's voice.

This is the kind of homesick I have been this week.

I don't know what happened in my life,

or what flipped the switch,

but one morning I woke up and I just missed home.

I missed everything about it.

I missed my family and friends.

I missed my puppy.

I missed my job.

I missed knowing that I had a handful of different people I could hang out with if I wanted.

I missed everything about home so much that I was literally sick.

And it was kneeling on the bathroom floor of Wal Mart that I realized;

What am I doing here?

I hate my job.

I have no friends.

I'm not even going to school.

Why am I here?

And the answer is:

I don't know.

I still don't know.

And I don't know when I will know.

But I know that I moved up here for a reason.

Maybe it was just to get a change of scenery,

or maybe to just grow up and figure out who I am.

Maybe I'll meet someone that I am supposed to meet,

or maybe it's just so I know what matters most to me.

I don't know yet, but hopefully I'll figure it out soon.

It sucks to realize that you left everything you love for nothing.

I don't think words quite describe how much I hate my job.

Yes, I get to take pictures and blah blah blah.

Whatever.

I hate it.

This is not the kind of photography that I want to spend the rest of my life doing.

This isn't the kind that gets me excited to do a photo shoot,

that I want to stay up all night editing the pictures from.

I want to be the kind of photographer that people want to pay a lot of money to have,

not just because they can't afford anything else.

I want to be the kind of photographer who's pictures make it onto the covers of magazines

(vogue to be exact)

The kind of photographer that people want to be like,

that people look up to.

I want to do photo shoots that make people think,

that shows how I think and view the world.

Not a 15 minute photo shoot so a mom can get a free 8x10 and be on her way.

I just miss the way life used to be.

I can't wait to go home tomorrow.

Halloween for the roommates?

Probably.

Reminds me of The Notebook.

So romantic.

Story of my life.

I need this.

I have this problem.

If/when I have long hair

I will do this.